Had a lovely weekend -- now is the payback time...

Last  weekend was a busy one. On Saturday I took part in a "choir" practice and on Sunday we hosted a Finn-Brit gathering in our house, playing games and enjoying yummy food. We had a "nyyttikestit" which means "Bring your own for everyone to share".  My hubby was amazing as he did all the work (I just tidied a bit): shopping, cooking, cleaning, shifting the furniture - and the clearing up afterwards... All I had to do was to enjoy the proceedings and do some hosting. He's pretty amazing!

The Finn-Brit "society" we have in here is amazingly big for such a small place in Finland. At this gathering we had 12 grown-ups and 4 kids squeezed in for fun and giggles. It was really great that everyone managed to make it. And we did have a lot of laughs!! The evening carried on until at midnight I turned into a pumpkin and decided to go to bed (really had to).

Yesterday was a humangous struggle. I had to be at a local gallery at noon to take some of my paintings into a Naivist/Surreal exhibition organised by our local art club. I could hardly stay on my feet and had to ask hubby to come with me to make sure to catch me if I start to fall.  This took about ½ hour. Rest of the day I stayed in bed and also slept for 4-5 hours waking up just before the bedtime. 

I was so exhausted though, that I spend couple of hours in the night throwing up... You know that when you get physically exhausted you start doing that .. like athletes after a truly vigorous training or a race... Which in a way is a ridiculous comparison but on the other hand very accurate, as in both cases you have used up your energy and adrenaline with  the "fight or flight" -reaction takes over making you chuck up.  

Today I have yet not managed to get up or do anything worthwhile - and it doesn't look like I'm going to either.. 

I feel sorry for my family as they always end up bearing the brunt and most of days having a very little of my company (not always a bad thing :) as I am in the land of nod. I would love to spend more time with them and worry about the consequences of the mother not being "present" for both the child and the marriage... So far they still love me, which I am amazed and very grateful for.

ps. Naivist/Surreal exhibition in Studio Sariikka --hint hint

Gooood morning World! Herätys ja huomenta

Ensin Suomeksi -- English to follow..

Hupsis, en ollut uskoa silmiäni, kun heräsin ja katsoin kelloa -- 8.23!! En muista, koska olisin herännyt niin aikaisin. En varmaan viikkoihin, jos ei kuukausiin. Jospa masennus alkaa pikkuhiljaa hellittää otettaan vai johtuisiko se siitä, että ulkona on jälleen jotain valkoista, kylmää ja ihanaa... Kurkistin ulos ikkunasta ja talvi oli saapunut takaisin. Ihana talvi. Silloin on aina jotenkin helpompi olo. En tiedä mistä se johtuu, mutta niin vain on.

Muuten olen ottamassa itselleni ja ME:lle suurta haastetta. Olen järjestämässä taidenäyttelyä töistäni syys-lokakuulle.  Ne, jotka eivät minua tunne, eivät tiedäkään, että taiteilen pastellitöitä aina silloin kun on energiaa, kun en muihin töihin pysty.. ja siis näitä töitäni näyttelen. Tila, jossa tämän pitäisi tapahtua, on suuri, niin että maalauksia pitää olla paljon.´Sinänsä se ei minua tässä pelota, vaan se, että ne työt pitäisi myös kehystää ja laittaa ripustuskuntoon, joka on minulle paljon raskaampaa työtä. Näyttely pitää myös itse asettaa esille ja purkaa, joka tarkoittaa muutaman päivän armotonta puristusta. Entä jos minulle tuleekin silloin pakollinen "petipäivä", entä jos en jaksakaan juuri silloin kun olisi pakko. Nämä hermostuttavat!!  Toisaalta haluan näyttää töitäni ja tällainen "projekti" antaa minulle motivaatiota yrittää jaksaa elää ja toimia, eika vaan luovuttaa.
Ehkäpä tämä olikin syy, miksi heräsin aikaisin. :)

My my, I almost did not believe my eyes,as I woke up and checked the time - 8.23!! I can't remember when I woke up that early before. Must have been weeks - maybe months ago. Maybe my depression is starting to lift --. or maybe it is because there is something white,cold and wonderful outside... I peeked through the window and winter has made a comeback. Wonderful winter. It always feels somewhat easier then. I don't know why, but that is the way it is.

By the way, I am taking on a huge challenge for me and ME. I will be organising an art exhibition introducing my works in Sept -Oct time. Those who do not know me, don't know that I make pastel paintings whenever  I have some energy as I can't do proper work ... and it is these paintings I am planning to show. The exhibition place is quite big, so I will need a lot of paintings. This does not worry me so much as the fact that the paintings need to be framed and ready for hanging, and that for me, is much harder and heavier work. The exhibition has to be hanged and taken down by oneself, which means a few days of relentless push. What if I then will have my mandatory "duvet day", what if I won't have the oomph just when I desperately need it. This makes me worried!!! On the other hand I want to show my work and this type of "project" gives me motivation to carry on living and doing things and not just give up.
Maybe this was the reason for my waking up early. :)